Bad to Worse

 

Please remember to write your name and the date unless I tell you you don't need to identify yourself.

 

Fear

Armstrong lists some fears he had before his bout with cancer: fear of not being liked, fear of being laughed at, and fear of losing his money.

 

 

 

a. Yes, I am afraid of loneliness and I am alone now. When I am in the classroom in my other class, I don't know anyone else, and I feel alone. (Fei, 02/08/07)

 

b. Yes, I have experienced big fears. 18 months ago, I had a big surgery in the University of Maryland Hospital. I don’t forget my fears at that time. (Dae Gun Kim, Feb/08/07)

 

c. Last year, when I went back to my country for summer vacation, I fell down and broke my ankle. I had to use a cane when I walked for one month. The month of the inconvenience was an anxious time for me. (Jennifer, 02/11/07)

 

d. I don’t feel fear of not being liked; when you are a teenager, that could be your biggest fear, but after that one learns to be with people that judge just your heart. Well feeling confident oneself, one achieves some tolerance. I have never been afraid to lose my money because I have never had any! (Felix, 02/11/2007)

 

e. Yes. When the doctors told me that I couldn't run and play my favorite sport, at that moment I thought it was the end of the world. You start to feel fear about everything because you know that your life is going to be turned upside down. You start to have many restrictions and your start to depend on others. You are scared about what people are going to think about you. You feel that you will not have the same opportunities as other people. I experienced a big fear, and for that reason I understand his feelings. (Flavia, 02/12/07)

 

f. yes, When I was a MS student in my country, I had a car accident. I had an operation. (Jinwoo Kim 02/14/07)

 

g. Yes. I experienced fears in my early years in the United States. I was afraid that Americans might consider me as an outsider. (Hsingchuan, 2/19/07)   

 

The vocabulary of fear:

fear (N) of X, fear of Ving: Fear of spiders is common. Fear of flying prevents many people from traveling far from home.

fright (N, noncount): His hair stood on end from fright. (N, count): I had a fright yesterday.

fear (V, trans.): A hero is not one who fears nothing but one who acts with courage despite his fear.

afraid (adj) of X, afraid of Ving: He is not afraid of anything. Some people are afraid of dogs.

 

His cancer diagnosis made Armstrong realize what true fear is. His"previous fears, fear of not being liked, fear of being laughed at, fear at losing [his] money" now seemed very insignificant.

 

 

 

a. I’m afraid of hurting the soul of the people that I love. My fears are highly significant (for me!); in fact, one can not be in life alone because you hurt the people that love you. Each person is different from the others, with special and individual “fears”. (Felix, 02/11/2007)

 

b. I'm afraid of my reactions, especially about love. That fear is something that I can't handle yet. That is because it is bigger your fear especially when you are an extremely sensitive person. Speaking of other experiences and the challenges that life puts in your way every day, I feel that I can handle them. My experience with my health problem gave me another way to see life. You should accept everything that life puts in your road, but the bigger challenge is to know how to accept that. It is not easy but not impossible. It changes your mind because you don’t start to think about fear or about people, you start to think about yourself. You begin to look for a solution to that, to figure out how to overcome that new challenge, to look for new roads, because if you are walking and something is in your way you just need to skip over it and continue; you will never stop because life is a big challenge with many roads to take. You just need to feel great and open to start a new road every day. For that reason, after a big challenge, the rest is nothing compared to that. (Flavia 02/11/07)

 

c. I am afraid of a lot of things, aging, solitude, losing relatives and friends, and also death. But these ideas come into my mind only occasionally; most of the time, I don't think about them. Armstrong is an ordinary person, although a world champion; he fears what we fear. (Fei, 02/12/07)

 

d. I wonder why he wanted to tell all of his friends and everybody that he had cancer and why his friend told his mother about that.  (Nazanin, n.d.)

 

Friendship

Armstrong's friends and family supported him during this crisis in various ways. Kevin Livingston left professional commitments in Europe to come back to the US to be with him, and accompanied him to the sperm bank; Bart Knaggs researched testicular cancer and brought him the results so that he could educate himself about his disease. His mother refused to let him give up hope, took over all the paperwork, and "ran [his] illness as if it were a project." (p. 82)

 

 

 

 

a. After taking surgery, I could not do anything by myself and I was sick all day long. It was so terrible that I could not drink water by myself. My family were in my country. They could not take care of me. But my friends helped me. I remember their effort. Thanks, my friends. (Dae Gun Kim, Feb/08/2007)

 

b. When I broke my ankle, my family was very worried about me. Especially, I had to come back to the United States to pursue my degree. We needed to decide what to do if I could not come back to the U.S.A. All of my relatives and friends did me special favors at that moment. (Jennifer, 02/11/07)

 

c. My oldest brother was very ill a long time ago, and I helped with all that we think of as “simple things” but for him at that time was impossible to do. I needed that kind of help when I broke my shoulder bone in high school and my classmates brought me all the notes from class. (Felix, 02/11/2007)

 

d. I supported my mother last year when she had a serious accident. She was in my country, but sometimes you don’t need to be present to support somebody. You can give spiritual support, and that is what I did. I gave back her that faith that she lost. I shared my own experience with her. I started to tell her for the first time all my fears that I had when I became ill. It was hard for me to let her know that I had been so scared, because as a daughter you don’t want to worry your parents more than they are. However, I knew that it would help her to overcome that new challenge. In my case, I needed a lot of that support from my friends because the illness that I had was something that becomes increasingly painful with time. Every day you feel that you are losing something. Some days you feel so desperate and with that feeling of not continuing to be alive, and it is in these moments that uour real friends are helping you. They were my support and my force. They were more than my friends; they were my spirit, they shared their life with me, and they gave the energy that I needed to continue with that challenge. They opened my eyes, such as that moment that the doctor asked me when I wanted to have surgery. Because I thought that my studies came first, I postponed that surgery for one year and it could have been more if it had not been for a friend that, for one year, tried to persuade me to have the surgery and lose one year in the university. That friend opened my mind and made me understand that with health, everything is possible, and for that reason I’m here, trying to continue with my dreams. (Flavia 02/12/07)

 

e. I love my relatives and friends. They write to me, call me, encourage me and care about my life and emotions, even though we are far apart. When I feel unhappy, they listen to my complaints and help to solve the problems. I cherish my relatives and friends. (Fei, 02/12/07)

 

f. When I was in hospital, my family, including my brother, extremely devouted to me. One of the impressive thing is I found the truth behind my brother. I had thought he makes no effort whatsoever to be agreeable. However, I was well attended in the hospital by him. Even though my brother looks like blunt, he always is anxious about me.(Jinwoo Kim 02/14/07)

 

i. My family and I supported my mom when she got sick. I lived in the hospital with my mom for several weeks. Life was change during that time. It didn't mean that we felt tired about it, but needed to get used with it. It was really depress when your love one was suffering disease but you had nothing to do to help. Well, we could do a lot of minor things, but we could not help with the real pain she was suffering from the disease. I think when people get sick, not only their body suffer but their mental also become weak. They need not only physical support but also  a lot of mental support which is love. The disease gave us a lot of pain, but it tight our family together more tightly. (Hsingchuan 02/25/07)

 

Hospitals

Armstrong had never been hospitalized before his cancer surgery.

 

 

 

a. When I read this chapter, although I cannot exactly know what he thinks now, I could understand how he felt and how confused he was. I stayed in the University of Maryland hospital for 4 months. It made me crazy and sorrowful. I don’t want to remember this experience. I hope that he overcame his obstacle, cancer. (Dae Gun Kim, Feb/08/2007)

 

b. Health is very important for everyone, I think. I did not like the feeling when I needed to be hospitalized. You need to follow treatment with a doctor or a nurse. The only thing you can do is lie down in the bed and let other people make your decisions for you. (Jennifer, 021107)

 

c. I've been in the hospital many times. It is very difficult, and I can understand his situation because every day is a continuing struggle. You need to be positive, something that is not easy, but if you have a dream, sometimes it can help you a lot. That could give you the push that you need to bear your pain in that moment. In my case, starting to walk again was very difficult. You have pain at every moment. You need to take a lot of pills. Sometimes you ask yourself why you made that decision. You think that it would be easier continue with your illness because it was a routine. Those were weak moments that you will always have and when you need your family and friends to help you to overcome them. (Flavia 02/11/07)

 

d. I am a healthy person who has never had a serious illness. If I catch a cold, what I have to do is to take a break and drink more water, and I will recover a week later. So I have never been hospitalized. (Fei, 02/12/07)

 

e. I think once when I was a child, but nothing that I remember! ( Aziz )

 

f. No, I have not. (Makoto Nakayama 02/14/2007)

 

g. As I wrote before, I have had a surgery experience due to a car accident. However, I have not been hospitalized. (Jinwoo Kim 02/14/07)

 

h. The only memory I have is long time ago when I was an elementary school student. I had a serious fever so I had to be hospitalized. I don't remember I got any pain from that, but remember a lot of people come to visit me with a lot of presents and food. It was a good memory tho... haha

 

Sperm Bank

Armstrong deposited sperm in a sperm bank so that he would be able to father children later even if the chemotherapy made him infertile.

 

 

 

a. In these days, there are many people who cannot have a baby normally. Some people try to have a baby by artificial insemination. Others choose to adopt children. I think that there is nothing more important than children. I prefer a sperm bank to adoption because I want to have a child who resembles me.( Dae Gun Kim, Feb/08/2007)

 

b. I think it is very important to me to have my own children. It is a very amazing experience when you find that your daughter /son has some behavior and the face like you and your husband (or wife). In other words, if I could not have children, I would not consider adopting, because I have no idea how to explain when the child finds that I am not her/his birth mother. It is a very sad thing. (Jennifer, 02/11/07)

 

c. At this moment to have a baby is not in my top ten priorities, but eventually I know it will be an important priority to me. It could be the last option that I will take, but... Yes, I could consider it. (Felix, 02/11/2007)

 

d. I think that when you have children the important thing is the love that you give them, because you can have your own child, but if you don’t give him all the love that he needs, do you think that you make a great thing because he is your blood? I don’t think so. Your child is a reflection of you; if you give love, you going to receive love. If you give comprehension, you are going to receive it back. Finally, parents are not just people who make a child. They are persons who give their child a home, a family and love. For that reason, if you can’t have your own child, around the world there are many children crying out for love, and if you can give them that dream, why not do it!!!! (Flavia 02/12/07)

 

e. I have never considered the problem before. I think I would adopt children if I couldn’t have my own children. (Fei, 02/12/07)

 

f. I think it's very important to have your own child, but if I couldn't (and I hope that won't happen), a decision like adopting a child will certainly come after a lot of thinking. In short, I'm not so sure about it. ( Aziz )

 

g. It is a hard question for me to answer: the meaning of my own children. I don’t even understand why I am living. I have just realized that I am alive. I think having children is one of the major parts of life. Learning, having a job, getting married, and having children are all major parts of life. I do not need everything, so I would not adopt children. (Makoto Nakayama 02/14/2007)

 

h. Frankly, If I could not have a kid, I might not choose adoption because there is no blood relative.  I think I may prefer a sperm bank to adoption, if I have to choose one. (Jinwoo Kim 02/14/07)

 

i. I have never think about this question. I think I will try really hard to have my own baby no matter what.  Well if the fact is we couldn't have our own baby, I think I will consider to adopt one. Because I like children and always dream to have one of my own. (Hsingchuan 02/25/07)

Pain

Armstrong liked riding his bike because the effort and pain involved enabled him to forget about everything else and find a kind of peace (p. 85).

 

 

 

a. If he didn’t ride his bike, he would go crazy. He has a big problem which can kill him. If I were he, I could not do anything. I would stay alone and cry all the time. However, his bike can relieve his pain. I think that it is not just a bike for him. (Dae Gun Kim, Feb/08/2007)

 

b. Everything you do is following some reward--material or not. (Felix, 02/11/2007)

 

c. Yes. You always need to find something that gives you a positive way to think. At first, many people can think that his reaction is a way to escape from reality, but sometimes you need that exit to understand your problem. You need to look for something that makes you feel positive. You try to forget pain and bad things and look for a new life.(Flavia, 02/12/07)

 

d. I think so. When I was depressed, I liked to run. When I feel exhausted, I am peaceful and encouraged. I believe that every sport has power to inspire people, support themselves to overcome the crisis because people have to win in sports. (Fei, 02/12/07)

 

e. It does for him, but I don't think so for me. (Aziz)

 

f. We can not divide spirit from body. I think that being healthy needs both of them. His action provides him with mental support. I believe he could release his mental pain by riding his bike. I think that his mind was worse than his body at that time. (Makoto Nakayama 02/14/2007)

 

g. In view of the results, it was valuable for him. In my case, when I have a decision to make, I have gone up a mountain or taken a bath. (Jinwoo Kim 02/14/07)

 

 

A Student of Cancer

Armstrong wanted to know everything about his cancer: "Knowledge is more reassuring than ignorance: at least I knew what I was dealing with." (p. 89)

 

 

 

a.In my opinion, it is not good to know everything about my illness. I think that there are just a few people who can overcome cancer. Many people respect Armstrong. It is because he overcame his serious illness, not because he is a race winner. Normal people, including me, just follow the doctor’s directions. If I knew everything about my serious illness, I could do nothing and would avoid my treatment. (Dae Gun Kim, Feb/08/2007)

 

b. I think I would do the same thing as Armstrong did. I would do some paper research or read some related studies about the serious illness. I would want to understand what the illness could be or what I could do. (Jennifer, 021107)

 

c. I have no idea!(Felix, 02/11/2007)

 

d. If you get information about your illness, it is good. At first, I didn't want to know about my illness. I just wanted to close my eyes and forget what the doctor told me. I wanted to think that everything was ok, but with the passing of the days, months and years, you start to change your mind. You start to accept your illness as a part of your life. You start to change your habits to fit your illness into your routine. Pain that you felt last month starts to be nothing compared with the new pain. You start to accept your pain, and when you do that, that is the moment that you start to have many questions. You want to know the causes of some limitations, the causes of some reactions, you want to know everything, but all is a big process. It is a process to accept that your life has changed and you need to know that illness very well to start to get a nice life and not succumb to depression. (Flavia, 02/12/07)

 

e.I would want to learn all the things about the disease since I am the host of my body, so I should understand my body condition, and then I could adjust my emotion and life to the treatment. I would have more opportunity to survive in this way. (Fei, 02/12/07)

 

f. I think I would do exactly as he did, and know about every single detail. I'm not so sure about being involved in decisions because I wouldn't be as expert as a specialized doctor. (Aziz)

 

g. I would have no confidence in other people if I had a serious illness, so I would want to know everything about my illness and decide all my treatment by myself. I would get medical books and begin to study my illness. (Makoto Nakayama 02/14/2007)

 

h. If I have a serious illness, I may prefer to understand clearly than to be ignorant of my illness because my life is mine.  I should know about my problems to make a decision about what I should do. (Jinwoo Kim 02/14/07)

 

 

 

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Similes and metaphors: